I have a friend who’s working in the US and she has this wonderful message that truly delivers right through my heart:

halo kuya, musta naka? I hope you’re doing good inspite what you’re experiencing now. I’ve read your blog and that’s when I understand what you’ve been going through now.

I keep on interceding for you through my prayer. Galamiton ka sa Ginoo… you’ve got talents that others don’t… that’s why the enemy is attacking you, he wants to steal and destroy what you have built up for God. It’s really a warfare though… keep on praying…
don’t let your situation shake your faith and drag you away from God.
Past is past… and what God has already forgiven, He don’t remember it anymore.
Keep on praying about what God is really wanting you to do. You might say you lose the ministry that you really love. But maybe He is going to open a new opportunity out of the blue.

Remember He brings us in a place that we don’t want… but later on it’s still be the best one for us. And it’s still the way that he could fully use us.
Because people just really want to do things in their comfort zone…they don’t want to go out of the comfort zone. They say “this is where i want to do coz this is where my love is….” But His plan is not the same with ours… you get what I mean? I hope so… heheehe

He has a nice future in store for you…
Strengthen up your weaken knees and continue praising God again.
God bless you..

Thanks Ems, you surely know how to care though you’re thousand of miles away. To all Emnace family, I salute you dearly beloved. Of course, a special mention would suffice. I’ve been gratefully indebted to Aileen and El2x for sharing all their loving thoughts in my difficult moments. I thank my God for accompanying me everytime.

Kuya Loy here…

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What am I saying? It takes a lot of courage to open up one’s life to any stranger or acquaintance, in general and even to a close friend, in particular especially when it has something to do with a black page in your life. But, what will happen when that black page you keep for more than 30 years become public and transparent? Would you ran away, or just pretend it didn’t happen, if at all? I’m sure you couldn’t even think straight if you’re wearing my shoes.

I mentioned in my last post that I resigned from my Bible teaching career–that was 3 months ago. That resignation is untimely in its truest sense. I said untimely, it’s because I thought I can still get away from a scandalous issue until the end of the semester. Unfortunately, I was quite naive at that time since in reality, it turned out to be a “nightmare in the making”. I was advised by the school admin to resign so that it will not be too hard for me  to take if days or weeks after I will be terminated if found guilty.

Of course, I chose to resign. All I thought I did a good job with such a decision. I was wrong. The issue I was facing becomes a ghost that keeps coming over and over again and will prevail until such time I may decide to find my mate. I hope so.

What makes the matter worst? Just this week, I faced one crucial decision of leaving the music team I cared so much. G-First Band was created more than 10 years ago and I am one of its founding members. I manage to create songs for that band until this week. I really don’t want to make a scene as I respect the people I worked with. I understand their intentions and I respect it as much as they respect our higher cause. We have to defend it, indeed.

I have mixed emotions. It took me too long to face the real thing. At last, they decided to suspend me, though, as they say, it’s just temporary. But, I really don’t know if I can trust that decision. No one knows the future of course. With majority of my composed songs included in that recording, how I wished I am still part of the group singing songs I wrote like, “SA DALAN MO.” My name could not even be found in the final CD as its original composer not to mention 8 of the songs are my own. It makes my heart sank, and my mouth dropped, my stomach even stings. I can’t do something about it. At least, not now.

What remains in me is the campus ministry I personally supervised. If people around would start to chase me down the alley and submit me to the higher tribunal, then that would be the end of my story. I would then be history. I do hope and pray the strength of the Lord would carry me through this hardest times of my life. Without Him, I really would be crushed to pieces right at this moment. To the people who has the ministry of prayer and reconciliation, please bring my name in your prayers to the mercy seat of God so that I can be enlivened by the Spirit of God.

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I’ve been into different kinds of exciting ventures. My experience includes earning money by encoding data, engaging in networking business, selling stuff, teaching in a private school and the latest was teaching in a Bible school. In every undertaking that I’ve been through, there’s one desire of my heart that could not just be forgotten easily, that is, Campus Ministry. I’ve been sensing the plan of God in this area of service a long time ago that’s why I started working it out for the last ten years.

By God’s grace, the ministry that I founded still is in existence until today. I give much credit to the student-members of ACTS 238 campus ministry whose desire in serving God did not waver. They hold on though at times I was not doing my job well. Today, I was just very happy in the Lord that the alumni of ACTS 238 were more or less successful in their chosen field of endeavor.

If given a chance, I would want to go back to the times I was not performing well but, that would not be possible, of course. Lots of lost opportunities passed by unattended. But, right now, I’ve been gaining more strength to carry on the task appointed to me by the Lord. Times of refreshing made its way to the period where I am today such that a lot of young people studying in colleges and universities will eventually be touched by the glory of God from now onwards.

With two universities to follow up, this ministry would somehow be stressful yet exciting at the same time. More of my time will be consumed in teaching student-leaders in particular to work the ministry with me and fellowshipping with the members in general. My mission is to reach out and be a blessing to students in this troubled times of uneasiness where so many of this young hearts depart from the faith of their parents.

My prayer is that the Lord would show me the right path to trod. I know it would not be an easy one. All I want is for God to check on me every now and then so that every time I fall, He will be there to hold me up and carry me through. Thanks for the prayer of everybody who wants to share this ministry with me. I appreciate it.

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It’s hard to imagine that I will be leaving a job I cared so much. I still can imagine myself talking and discussing my subjects in front of my students. Of course I was deeply affected of my own drastic decision. No one wants to end this so early. My students could not even fathom why in an instant I will leave them when they don’t know the real reason why I got to decide with such a hurry.

All I think for now is the notion that nothing’s permanent in this world. My only prayer is for God to carry me through this hard times I’ve been experiencing right now. Many people has been hurt. My friends and those acquainted with what I am doing were all surprised of my sudden decision. Is there any way I can patch up those precious times I spent half-heartedly? Maybe I was only overwhelmed with all the cares of this world that I have forgotten how God has rescued me many times along this hard trodden path of life being a vessel ready for the Master’s use. He has been very merciful to me despite all my struggles and failures in life.

Why should I be bitter? I’ve been through this experience many times and I’ve learn a lot from it. I know how painful the experience is but as I meditate upon God’s goodness, I now realized that I don’t have to go through this the next time. I need to graduate from this repetitive struggle so that I can qualify for the next grade of trials I will be going through.

For now, my goal is to see to it that the campus ministry will be successful in its endeavor to glorify God among students in the secular world of education. Thank God for the ready and willing workers whose desire is to glorify God in their own lives.

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I’ve been discussing one of my subjects (Leadership Principles) in school just this morning. It so happened that one of my students was having a hard time in his leadership position in the Student Body Organization and he tried to convince me that he was not called to lead. He keeps on reiterating the notion that not everyone has the gift of leadership. I told him the exact opposite of what he wanted to hear.

With all gusto, I put both of my foot forward as I emphasized the principle that everyone called for the ministry has been given a unique gift by God and should be practiced according to the uniqueness of that call. One is called to lead songs, lead worship, govern the church, so on and so forth. Some people were even called to hold leadership positions in the beautification committee of the church. And the fact that he came to school to study qualifies him to become what God wanted him to be in serving his generation.

Furthermore, he believes that he was weak enough to lead and his personality speaks of the truth. Upon seeing his pessimistic attitude, his classmates could not help but share what they think is good and best for him. Psychology may call it “inferiority complex” but I am persuaded that it is simply an old but effective strategy of the devil in deceiving God’s elect.

We end our discussion without much positive response but, I think, if he will just deliberately absorb the whole matter and meditate upon it, slowly, but surely, he can sense and identify the spirit of deception working through him. After a thorough examination of himself, he can then be totally free from that predicament by humbling himself down and accepts the fact that he has spiritual difficulties understanding that basic principles of leadership and, therefore, needs the ministry of deliverance. In so doing, his potential to lead will be enhanced to the highest level as he fights against his weakness in God’s grace.

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I am thinking of so many things to write though. With my limited vocabulary and all the struggle to make my point, here I am, sharing my very own experiences, thoughts, beliefs, principles, projects, ministries, and everything in between. I hope I am in the right track, so to speak. God willing, I will push myself up and through all the difficulties I’m gonna experiencing today and the next day after that.

Despite all time constraints and busy schedules, I’m proud to say that my website is up and running. It keeps me wondering how the Lord has sustained me through difficult times and discouraging years. My faith in Him may sometimes waver, but I thank Him for giving me the strength to push through.

May this year and the days onward be a time of celebration and continuous blessing from the Lord. I trust that He will be true to His promises. I give thanks to my only God and Father, Jesus Christ. To Him be glory, honor, and power forever. Amen.

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