What am I saying? It takes a lot of courage to open up one’s life to any stranger or acquaintance, in general and even to a close friend, in particular especially when it has something to do with a black page in your life. But, what will happen when that black page you keep for more than 30 years become public and transparent? Would you ran away, or just pretend it didn’t happen, if at all? I’m sure you couldn’t even think straight if you’re wearing my shoes.

I mentioned in my last post that I resigned from my Bible teaching career–that was 3 months ago. That resignation is untimely in its truest sense. I said untimely, it’s because I thought I can still get away from a scandalous issue until the end of the semester. Unfortunately, I was quite naive at that time since in reality, it turned out to be a “nightmare in the making”. I was advised by the school admin to resign so that it will not be too hard for me  to take if days or weeks after I will be terminated if found guilty.

Of course, I chose to resign. All I thought I did a good job with such a decision. I was wrong. The issue I was facing becomes a ghost that keeps coming over and over again and will prevail until such time I may decide to find my mate. I hope so.

What makes the matter worst? Just this week, I faced one crucial decision of leaving the music team I cared so much. G-First Band was created more than 10 years ago and I am one of its founding members. I manage to create songs for that band until this week. I really don’t want to make a scene as I respect the people I worked with. I understand their intentions and I respect it as much as they respect our higher cause. We have to defend it, indeed.

I have mixed emotions. It took me too long to face the real thing. At last, they decided to suspend me, though, as they say, it’s just temporary. But, I really don’t know if I can trust that decision. No one knows the future of course. With majority of my composed songs included in that recording, how I wished I am still part of the group singing songs I wrote like, “SA DALAN MO.” My name could not even be found in the final CD as its original composer not to mention 8 of the songs are my own. It makes my heart sank, and my mouth dropped, my stomach even stings. I can’t do something about it. At least, not now.

What remains in me is the campus ministry I personally supervised. If people around would start to chase me down the alley and submit me to the higher tribunal, then that would be the end of my story. I would then be history. I do hope and pray the strength of the Lord would carry me through this hardest times of my life. Without Him, I really would be crushed to pieces right at this moment. To the people who has the ministry of prayer and reconciliation, please bring my name in your prayers to the mercy seat of God so that I can be enlivened by the Spirit of God.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.